First I thought the mother of all evil were bee's.... seriously I did. They frightened me the MOST in the world. More than sharks and lions and zebra's. What? Zebra's have that innocent quality about them that just screams Danger! Beware! I'm evil underneath these stripes! Well after living in England where you get at LEAST 100 bee's flying in your non-existent-screen windows (yeah... British houses don't come with any screens in any of their windows because they swear they don't have fly's in England... um yeah and I'm Miss America....my crown is upstairs) I've learned that bee's aren't really the enemy. In fact they are pretty easy to kill although the buzzing sound still makes my heart leap as it buzzes the tower aka my ear.
Anyway.... I found the real mother of all evil and it wasn't even an animal.. it was a thing. A thing called a Cortizone Shot!!!!!! I had my first cortizone shot after I had surgery on my thumb. That needle was sooooo long I was convinced it would poke through the whole thumb and come out the other end. It hurt like a mother ... well lets just say it hurt. Bad. My next encounter was for my feet.. you know plantar fasciatis and neuroma's in both feet are a titch painful (I know.... could I whine anymore?) The doctor gave me shots in both feet in the same visit of cortizone.Let's just pause there... If you haven't had a cortizone shot, well count your lucky stars because you are truly lucky my friend... They are truly the worst pain ever thought up by man (well besides braces ... I mean really.... putting wire on teeth and tightening it up every few weeks.. going home so sore you can't even eat a marshmallow) ANYWAY its the type of pain that starts off slowly... they insert the longest needle known to man and at first you think, man this is easy...why was i so scared and then... the real pain sets in as they push fluid through the needle into a tiny joint area on your body and I swear the pain gets worse and worse until you feel like you absolutely can't take it anymore and you're about to abort the mission and it feels like an eternity has passed and just before you are sure to pass out in pain the doctor gets done. Luckily that time I had Kelly to hold my hand and lets just say I'm surprised I didn't break her hand right off.
Well today I got my last cortizone shot (I know... do I do this for a hobby you might start to ask yourself) in my left knee. Ahh the dreaded knee's. Just take them out and replace them already. I've already had 8 knee surgeries... but anyway so I'm laying there and the doctor whom shall remain nameless (DR MURRAY, best knee doctor ever) shoots me with some lydocaine first and then starts the shot. The worst shot ever. And after its over I think.... I've survived another one and sorta pat myself on the back. Take Two.... I get home.... hours pass, I'm texting, I'm getting Cambree to sleep, I'm watching Real Housewives of New York and thats when it hits me, the worst part wasn't the shot but the pain that comes long after the shot. I look down to see a swelled up knee (which i'm like.. is that a watermelon or my knee... hmm) and the pain is just intense. It's like was the shot to hurt or help lol. Not to mention I guess I don't plan on sleeping til Friday since I'm not a bit tired and its way after midnight. I'm a mom of an active 14 month old. I'm usually snoring by 9pm.
My friends....in short (yeah I know... too late) ..... if you hear a buzzing in your ear... don't sweat it.... if you see a sharks fin circling in the ocean.... make sure you have absolutely no blood anywhere near you and stay still..... if you run into that runaway zebra don't flinch.....but if you are faced with that long cortizone needle... run my friends don't walk.... because it is truly the mother of ALL evil!!!!!