Viva England!: February 2010

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Much tooo much!

I remember thinking when I first found out I was pregnant and started feeling sick all the time and just horrible in general that I didn't know if I was going to make it. I honestly didn't see how I was going to be able to handle nine months of this torture. And torture it was. I got handed all the terrible and miserable things pregnant ladies can get handed to include this incredibly itchy rash that covered my whole body and lasted my entire pregnancy. This was the type of rash I'd go to bed with a fork under my pillow because a sharp fork seemed like the only thing strong enough to scrape my skin with to stop the intense itching.

Then I remember having Cambree a month early. Being prepped for my c-section and not having my husband there to hold my hand because not only was he not in Utah, he wasn't even in the same country. He was TDY to Germany. I thought for sure I wasn't going to make it.

Next came the long nights of Cambree being a new born and not sleeping and Keri leaving us because he had to go back to England and me surviving on maybe three hours of sleep total and for SURE I thought to myself, I am NOT going to make this. It's amazing what happens to a person when they are constantly and consistantly deprived of sleep. You can't function. The smallest of things set you off. It's not a fun place to be especially without your husband.

Last comes where I'm at now. Keri is gone to Cyprus and I've been in Utah with Cambree since the beginning of November and the thought that keeps coming to me is I'm not going to make this. Although family helps it is almost a helpless feeling knowing you are solely in charge of a thirteen month old. You have to feed her, bath her, chase her up the stairs for the millionth time, keep her happy, try and get her to bed on a regular schedule all while knowing she is going to keep you up most of the night because she is teething and knowing how early she is going to wake you. Heaven forbid she sleeps past seven am. Day after day I think to myself I'm not going to make this. My energy is zapped. I cannot go up those stairs one more time to drag her back down. If she pushes that power button off on the tv one more time I'm going to lose it. Then incredibly something happens. She says her first word. She gives you that cute smile. A smile that shows off her six gorgeous white teeth. She falls asleep with her head on your shoulder while holding your hand and you think to yourself... maybe I can make it a little while longer.